By Richard von Zerneck

It is really hard for me to believe that almost exactly two years ago, my wife Barbara and daughter-in-law Stephanie answered their respective door bells to be confronted by two soldiers delivering “the worst news possible.”  Our son, a husband and father of three, had been killed in action in Afghanistan! Although we each lived with the fear of such news for the entire time Jason was deployed, nothing really prepares you for the reality.

Our entire family, including each of our three grandchildren, moved through the next few weeks as if in a fog. Looking back, I realize that we all were deep in shock and merely moved forward in lock step through the horrid days of grief, awaiting the return of Jason’s body, the funeral and burial, all almost too painful to accurately recall any more. Of course, each of the thousands of families who have lost a loved one during our all-too-many wars and conflicts knows of what I write. Others, I fear, can never really comprehend the pain, grief, and sorrow involved.

A turning point for both my wife and I, was the St. Patrick’s Day tribute to the entire Fighting 69th Regiment, the unit of the NY National Guard with which Jason deployed to Afghanistan. The day began with a special mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral, followed by the parade led by the Regiment and an all-afternoon reception at the Lexington Avenue Armory. Jason as well as the few others members of the unit who had made the ultimate sacrifice for our country, were remembered and praised throughout the day. Towards the end of the day, we were ushered into a small meeting room to be presented with an artist’s rendering of our son. Joining us in that room were almost all the members of Jason’s unit, the guys he loved so much, and with whom he had spent the previous 8 months. Meeting them was heart breaking for us. Each had stories and anecdotes about Jason, who had been the father figure to most of the unit. Jason was not the typical National Guard soldier. He was 33 years old, a father and husband, and was well educated. His buddies told us that they called him “Professor” because he knew so much. Some told us that he had taught them to be both better soldiers and better people. His non-coms called him a natural leader and a “soldier’s soldier.” We also knew from his emails to us before he was killed that his experiences while deployed had convinced him to complete his studies when he returned home. He wanted to pursue a” helping career.” He told his wife that he believed he had matured and found his true calling. Of course, that was never to be.

Barbara and I both left the Armory that day, deeply shaken yet feeling better. We had learned how much Jason had meant to his comrades and how much he had helped them. We had met perhaps 25 of his friends, each seemingly younger than the next, and few seemed to have a clear vision for their own future. Soon we began to talk about just what we could do to be of help to these young men who meant so much to Jason, but no good ideas sprung immediately to mind. So, over the next few weeks we, together with Jason’s widow Stephanie, focused on his three children, determined to try to fill the space in their lives previously held by Jason.

In early April Stephanie forwarded a request to us from the wonderful Family Readiness Group, for help in finding a venue for a social for the troops who had returned from Afghanistan in January. It had been the members of the FRG who were there for us all during the weeks after Jason’s death, providing support, love, and even food during our time of deep grieving. Of course we would try to help! I had retired as a Professor Emeritus from City College in 1997, but had maintained ties at the College through the Alumni Association and many good friends. I approached an administrator informally asking if the College might be willing to rent us a space for the social, or, even better, host it. I was so surprised by the immediate positive response. I quickly learned that there were many veterans of the Viet Nam War serving in the College’s administration and faculty, and being supportive of our troops was something everyone was in favor of. From those informal contacts came a series of meetings involving the College and the Commanding Officer of the 69th, Lt. Col. John Andonie. I learned that the College had already started programs to support veterans in the student body, and was willing to ramp up programs for veterans. I also became aware of the wonderful educational benefits available to veterans from the new GI Bill, approved in late 2008 (over the objections of John McCain among other Republicans). Discussions soon revealed, however, that few of the members of the 69th were really aware of or even interested in those benefits. For them, re-acclimating to civilian life, finding a job, and recovering from the trauma of their deployment was all that mattered. Few had attended college before enlisting, and few even thought that college was a realistic option for them.

The College’s administrators and faculty, however, explained how valued veterans were as students. Army service and deployment to a conflict usually served to instill both discipline and a” can do” spirit in veterans. Studied showed that veterans typically out performed other students. On top of that, the College and the GI Bill together provided each veteran student with excellent economic and psychological support to help them during their undergraduate years. We talked at length about establishing a tie between the College and the 69th Regiment, culminating in the College unofficially adopting the Regiment!

In January the College hosted a large social for the Regiment, together with informative presentations about the possibilities of college life for the troops. Representatives of the entire City University of New York and virtually each unit of the university promised eased access and additional support for veteran undergraduates. Rep. Charlie Rangel, the university administration and much of the City College community attended the social and pledged continued support. Soon the informal tie expanded and even went “the other way.” The Soldier’s Project, a coalition of mental health professionals providing pro bono therapeutic care to the troops, soon began work with the College to provide counseling services on campus. This was vitally important because too few soldiers had been seeking such help out of fear of possible repercussions to their military career. Now theses services could be offered in a non military setting and in confidence.
In short order the nascent Veterans Club on the City College campus had new and growing support. A new Veterans Lounge was opened, a Veterans Coordinator was given full time status, and the entire City University began reaching out to veterans. In a remarkable coincidence, the new Veterans Lounge at the College was located in what had, at one time, been my very first office as a member of the faculty! And of course, although Jason had only spent two years as a City College undergraduate, we now knew that his school, my Alma Mater, and my professional home for 31 years, was welcoming the very people he had grown to love so much.

Today, two years after Jason’s death, Barbara, Stephanie and I all take great pride and even solace in the connection between two very important parts of Jason’s life. We continue to work to strengthen the bonds, even while the troops of the 69th prepare and train for yet another deployment. As parents and educators, both Barbara and I know that this connection will serve to improve the lives and futures of many young people. And for all of us, participating in this venture, while not eliminating our continued sorrow, has proven to be of help and solace. We take joy in knowing that Jason is smiling about our efforts, and that we are helping the very guys he went to war with.

October 2, 2010, will be yet another sad day for the entire von Zerneck family. This year, however, while visiting Jason’s grave we will be able to take solace in knowing that his death spurred meaningful help for others. Nothing will or could bring him back to us but we will continue, forever, to work to provide even more meaning to his death. This is perhaps the best way to salute our son!